It has been 25 days since my son died. 25 days! I have cried each and every one of those days. Today I cried when I looked at his little dog snuggled up in my bed. Each time Dale would come to get her she would get so excited. It was if she would say to Dale…I thought I would never see you again. She was always that excited to see him. It breaks my heart that she will never see him again. That I will never see him again. I don’t have enough photos of him. I don’t have enough videos of him. I don’t have him. He was not with me all of the time. I didn’t see him every day, I didn’t even talk to him every day, yet I knew he was there, that he was just a phone call, or a text away. If I needed him he would be here in a heartbeat. Now he won’t. I am so sad. Each day I am sad. Sad that he is gone. Sad that he is not a phone call away. Sad that I will never again hear him say…”Because I am Dale.” or “Hey momma.” So, so sad.
Today as I scroll through facebook or instagram I see so many happy smiling faces. Just a month ago my own feed showed happy, smiling faces. I know that soon I will once again show happy smiling faces, yet there will be a sadness behind those smiles, a sadness behind those happy faces. The loss of my son has taught me that. It taught me what I already knew…it brought it home for me.