Categories
Life Uncategorized

The Day of the Funeral

Tragedy struck my family at the beginning of October when my 29 year old son unexpectedly passed away. We are all trying to move forward while living with this big hole in our lives. Editing videos is keeping me busy and right now I need that.

So many tears have been shed, since the passing of my son. So many feelings have been felt. We all deal with grief in our own way. Sharing my story, really just bits of my story, is one way I am dealing with my grief. We have cried, we have laughed, we have spent hours with family sharing our memories. My son loved to laugh, he loved people, he had a wonderful sense of humor. He will never be forgotten.

I did not record any video during the hardest moments.

Categories
Uncategorized

First Snow of the Season

Tragedy struck my family at the beginning of October. My 29 year old son unexpectedly passed away. We are all trying to move forward while living with this big hole in our lives. Today’s video is recent and also a look back to our first snowfall of the season, before life changed. Editing videos is keeping me busy and and right now I need that. This also explains why it is different than my normal videos. I hope you find peace in the calmness of the falling snow.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Here is a link to a video I did about the first snow of the season.

Categories
Uncategorized

Two Very Bad Weeks

It has been two weeks since my life turned upside down.  Two long weeks.  Two of the worst weeks of my life.  The absolute worst weeks of my life.  Two days ago it hit me, and hit me hard.  Ugly hard! My son is not coming back.  I knew this from the moment we got the call from the hospital telling us that he was in cardiac arrest and to come quickly. I knew it when we picked out his casket and made plans to bury him, I knew it the day we went to a private family viewing at the funeral home, I knew it the day we said goodbye as he was lowered into the ground, yet it didn’t feel real, it still doesn’t feel real.   My heart is aching. His name was Dale.   He was my son and he was real, he lived, he loved, and he was loved.

This is the eulogy my mom gave at Dale’s service.

This is my remembrance of my grandson Dale. Dale loved life. He loved living life and he loved living life with others. Dale loved his work. He loved learning new things and he loved doing a good job. Dale loved his family. He loved spending time with his family and he always loved spending time with me.

Dale loved life. He was always willing to try something new. He learned how to ride a bike just about the same time he learned how to walk. His older brothers might have had something to do with that. He was proud that he had grown up with older brothers. He felt that having tough older brothers made him tougher. Later, he learned to ski with the same kind of ease that he learned to ride a bicycle. His curiosity could lead him into trouble, but he will be remembered for the enthusiastic, fearless way he embraced life.

Dale was always on the lookout for new friends. He grew up going to church and learning about Jesus. He was part of the youth group throughout his teen years. He loved being around people and never seemed to enjoy being alone. When he was alone, he had to have music. Dale loved Music. The louder the better.And he was always up for an adventure. Dale also liked to dress up. He would put on a suit at the drop of a hat and loved wearing fancy shoes. He didn’t need to have a reason to look good. It just came naturally. Speaking of looking good, Dale loved driving around in either one of the two beautiful Cadillacs that he owned over the years. Dale loved Life.

When he was able, Dale loved to work. He took satisfaction in a job well done and loved the appreciation he received for doing a job for someone else. He was innately curious, always trying to figure out how things worked. He was able to take apart just about anything that required tools and to put it back together again the way it should be. He worked at Fox Motors for a time training to do body work. He enjoyed it and aspired to be a master craftsman at body work. He even took pride in the tools that he used, often expounding on the pros and cons of some of the better quality tools versus others. He also had a great generosity and a joy for helping others. Dale loved being able to help others.

Dale loved his family. He used to say that I was his favorite grandma on his mother’s side. He had a way of making me feel special, and letting me know that he loved his Oma Etta just as much. Whenever I came to visit Michigan, he always made sure to be there to see me. And whenever we had a family gathering in Minneapolis, Dale wanted to be there too. Spending time with family, aunts, uncles, and cousins; if they were family, Dale wanted to know them, and for them to know him.

My daughter Angela, Dale’s mother, once told the story of when Dale’s brother Jack was born. He brought a box into the room with the baby. When Angela asked Dale what the box was for, Dale answered. I’m going to make a Jack in the box. Dale loved being part of a big family and loved all of his siblings, and he always enjoyed a good laugh.

Speaking of family, Dale had a dog that he loved like it was family. She is a little miniature pincer named Piper. One time when we were talking about whether a dog should be eating table scraps, or any kind of people food, Dale said of Piper, “whatever I eat, she eats.” He loved that dog like it was a person. Dale loved his dog like it was family, and Dale loved his family.

I have one more story about Dale. When he was younger, he would listen to a Christian radio program with his siblings. There was one story that talked about addiction in a kid friendly manner. The story featured a talking chicken named Henny that a boy became addicted to. When the boy tried to break the addiction, the chicken just wouldn’t let the boy go. Dale had some understandings about the dangers of addiction, and just like the boy in the story, Dale tried to break his addiction. He went twice to treatment centers, but the addiction just wouldn’t let him go. But I believe that Dale put his faith in the Lord Jesus, and that I will see Dale again one day.

And that is my remembrance of my grandson Dale. Dale loved life. Dale loved to work and he loved helping others. Dale loved his family and I will always love him. And I will always remain his favorite grandma on his mother’s side.

 

Categories
Life

Loss hurts so bad

It has been twelve days. This is so hard! I am bawling. It is like it suddenly hit me. Dale is dead. How can Dale be dead? How??? How can my son be dead? He isn’t here anymore. How can that be? I think I am panicking a bit. I loved Dale with all of my heart. He was such a big part of my life. He called me or messaged me almost every day. Now he is gone. I still can’t believe it. He is gone.  I loved him so much. Now I will never see him grow old, I will never hug him again. How can he be gone? Why?

Categories
Life

The Morning After

I did not sleep well. I got up.
I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, just like every other morning, yet it is not like every other morning.  I will never again hear my son say to me, “Hey Momma.”  Each morning I write the date and weather conditions in a note book, I often record other notes. Today I added the words Dale Died.
He died.  There is that. I have been crying since I got up.  So many many tears.

Categories
Life

Go Away Bad Dream, Boo!

Years ago I heard an episode of the Radio drama Adventures In Odyssey. I don’t really remember that episode but I do remember the young girl character was told,   ‘Whenever you’re in the middle of a dream, and you think it’s going to be bad, you say real loud, “Go away bad dream, BOO!” and the bad dream will go away and you’ll wake up.’  Tonight I want to shout it from the mountain tops. Go away bad dream, BOO!  This bad dream is not going to go away.  I lost my 29 year old son tonight.  That is wrong, I did not lose him, he died.  It is not right for parents to outlive their children.  He was too young.    His name was Dale.  I loved him more than words can tell.

This evening we got a call from  the hospital telling us Dale was in cardiac arrest and to come quickly. We raced to the hospital.  I won’t tell you how fast we drove to get there. The first time we ever drove that fast was the day I was in labor with Dale.  Dale was my third child.  I had been through two labors and two deliveries before his birth and I knew that he was coming quickly.  He would not wait, so we drove fast.   The second time we ever drove that fast was when Dale was 11 years old and we took him to Europe on a vacation.  Just Dale, my husband and me,  and Dale’s baby sister.  We had a fast rental car and while I was sleeping in the back seat of the car, my husband decided to see just how fast the car would go.  I woke up during this test for speed.  Let me say, I was not amused, but Dale LOVED it. We drove fast.  This night was the third time we drove fast, yet it was not fast enough.  It was not fast enough to keep Dale from dying.    They performed CPR until we got there…but he didn’t make it.  My husband, Dale’s sister and I were with him when he passed. Dale was just 29 years old. He did not take his own life.  It was not an accident.  We were there when he passed away.

Dale checked himself into the hospital earlier in the day.  They said he was okay, or maybe they didn’t say he was okay,  I can’t remember, but the doctor told us, “…then things went bad.”  Dale was dehydrated and his electrolytes were way off.  His heart could not take the strain, he went into cardiac arrest and he died.  They had performed CPR for a long time.  Long enough for us to get to the hospital to say goodbye.  How do you say goodbye to your 29 year old son?  They asked if I wanted to be there when they stopped working on him.  I said no, yet the bad dream did not go away.  I knew Dale could not be alone and got up and went to be with him.  I held his hand I told him I loved him, and yet that was not enough.  He died.  My son is dead.  Go away bad dream, BOO!

https://youtu.be/tPcUJQ2Bzqs

 

Categories
Life

The Loss of a Dog

On Saturday we lost my dog Samson.

We all had a chance to say goodbye to him Saturday morning.  I sat next to him, and pet him and told him that he was a good dog.  I told him that he didn’t need to hold on any longer.  He was a good dog.  If you have been watching my channel for some time, you know what a big part he was in my family.

I know that my grief does not compare to so many who are grieving the loss of loved ones at this time of the pandemic, yet I still grieve.  It is a different kind of grief, yet it is a real feeling.  Samson was a big part of my life for the past 8 years.  When we brought Samson home, we knew it would be for life. We also knew that Bernese Mountain dogs do not have a long lifespan.  He was my buddy, my shadow.  Dogs hold a special place in our lives.  I can tell you that Samson held a special place in my life.  I am sad at my loss, and I miss my dog…My life is different now.  Better for having had Samson in my life.

Categories
In the Kitchen Uncategorized

Italian Easter Pie, a new Easter Traditon

My family and I have never really had a traditional Easter meal, but a couple of years ago I learned about the classic Italian Easter Pie and decided to try it myself.  I thought it would me a nice way to celebrate Easter with my family. During my research I found that everyone seems to have their own way of making Italian Easter pie.  Since no two recipes are the same, I came up with my own version.  The ingredients can get a bit expensive, so I did not end up making it last year as my budget was pretty tight.   This Easter, with everyone staying home because of covid19, I wanted to do something to make Easter special. What better way than to make an Italian Easter Pie, also known as Pizza Rustica.  I am not Italian, but I do appreciate Italian food. I prepared it two ways, a traditional pie and a low carb pie.

I have only made these twice, so I am still learning, I am not an expert, but if you do decided to try my Italian Easter Pie recipe, let me know, I would love to hear how it turned out for you. Just remember, I am not an expert.

 

Italian Easter Pie (Pizza Rustica) Makes 2 pies

For the pie crust:

2 cups warm water
1 tablespoon Sugar
1 tablespoon Instant Yeast
1/2 cup olive oil
5 1/2 cups flour
1 tablespoon salt

Add the yeast and sugar to the warm water.  Let it sit for about 5 minutes.
To this add the olive oil and salt.  Slowly mix in the flour, one cup at a time.  Knead for about 5 minutes, then cover and let rest for 2 hours.

For the filling:

11 eggs
1 1/2 pound Italian cheese, you select the type and amount of each, but you will need approximately 1                1/2 pounds.   I used Provolone, Parmesan, and Pecorino Romano. (Some people use ricotta                 cheese, but I did not, as I said, you can select your own type of cheese.)
1 1/2 pounds Italian sausage/meats, you can select the type and amount of each.  Here are some                suggestions: prosciutto, sopressata, mortadella.

Mix all of these ingredients together in a bowl, then set aside.

1 egg plus 1 tablespoon water to use for the egg wash.

To assemble the pies:  You will need two 8 1/2 -9 inch deep-dish pans.  Spring form pans work great.  I greased and lined the bottoms of my pans with parchment paper.  Be sure to also grease the sides of the pans.  Divide your dough into four sections.  Roll out the dough.  First I roll the bottom crusts and line the pans with the dough.  Then add half of the filling to each pan.  Roll out the top crusts and place on the filled pies.  I cut the top crusts into strips and did a basket weave on the top of the pie. Seal the edges as you see fit.    At this point you will want to use the egg wash on the top crust.  Gently brush the egg wash on the top crust.  Now it is time to bake your Italian Easter Pie.  Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 1 hour 15 minutes, until nice and golden brown on top.  Ovens very in temperature, so be sure to check on your pie.    This recipe makes 2 pies.

Low Carb variation:

The filling is the same as the regular pie, but instead of the dough recipe, you will want to use a low carb crust recipe.  I am still working on a recipe for my low carb version.  This is what I have so far:
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup of my baking blend (I am sure you could use the Trim Healthy Mama Baking blend.)
1/2 cup oat fiber (NOT oat flour)
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
4 tablespoons softened butter
5 tablespoons sour cream

Combine ingredients and form into two balls.  Cover with plastic and refrigerate for an hour.  Roll out the dough between two  pieces of parchment paper.  I found this dough to be quite sticky.  Gently remove the rounds from the parchment paper and fill the bottom of the baking round.  This is tricky, but the dough is forgiving and you can just press it into the bottom and sides of the pan.  Fill the bottom crust with half of the filling.  If you are making only 1 pie, you can half the filling recipe.  Then roll out the top half, again being careful with this sticky dough.  Make your top as intricate or simple as you like.  I did the basket weave on my pie.
Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until done.  Oven temperatures very, so keep an eye on the pie toward the end of the cooking time.  My pie was a golden brown and bit bubbly on the edges when I pulled it out of the over.

Enjoy your Italian Easter Pie.  Let me know if you try my recipe.  I have only made these twice, so I am still learning, I am not an expert.

 

Categories
Uncategorized

The Aging Dog

Samson joined our family, when he was just a tiny pup.  Well, tiny may not be the best word to describe him as a puppy.  Bernese Mountain Dogs are never tiny, not even when they are puppies.  Even so, he was so cute and cuddly.  Right from the beginning he won our hearts.   It is hard as our dogs age and get old. We had a scary night, but Samson pulled through. I don’t know how much longer he will be with us, so I am thankful for the time we have.

Categories
Uncategorized

Baking Cookies During a Pandemic

From the time I started to learn to bake, I have been baking cookies. All through high school I would bake cookies.  Arriving home from school I would pull out the ingredients and whip up a back of cookies.  My favorites were chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies.  I would often make other kinds of cookies, but those were my favorites.  Since that time I have realized that baking cookies is relaxing for me.  When I am stressed or concerned about something I will navigate toward the kitchen and once again start a batch of cookies.

For many years, I would make big batches of cookies.  As my family grew I learned to double and triple batches. As one would expect, kids grow up and move away from their parents home.  This is the situation I have found myself in…my kids, one by one, are growing up and leaving home.  It has been an adjustment downsizing my cookie batches, plus, I have cut out sugar and refined flours from my diet, so I have had to stretch and search for new recipes.  It is sometimes challenging, but even so, I still find the act of baking cookies relaxing, what better time to bake cookies than during a pandemic? Relaxing and rewarding with a sweet treat at the end of the process.

In this video I make two different batches of peanut butter cookies.