Remember Dale<\/p>\n
Someone asked me if I had any plans for the one month mark after Dale’s death.\u00a0 Oh boy!\u00a0 I had not even thought of that.\u00a0\u00a0 Here is what has been on my heart…what if I can’t remember? What if, as the years pass, I can’t remember Dale.\u00a0 What if I can no longer remember what he looked like or what he smelled like, or how he would hug me?\u00a0 What if I can’t remember?\u00a0 I do not want to forget.\u00a0 As the years pass will I remember Dale?\u00a0 That thought grieves me to no end.\u00a0 As I sit here typing this I cry, lots and lots of tears.\u00a0 Will I remember Dale?\u00a0 Will I remember how generous he was?\u00a0 Will I remember how he was always willing to lend a hand?\u00a0 Will I remember that I always knew that if I called him, he would come.\u00a0 Will I remember he was always there for me.\u00a0 No matter how much he struggled in his own life, others always came first.<\/p>\n
My last conversation with him he asked me how he could help others when he could not even help himself.\u00a0 Yet he tried to help himself.\u00a0 Even at the end, he was trying.\u00a0 Dale was an alcoholic.\u00a0 He went to treatment twice, yet the addiction would not loosen its grip on him.\u00a0 Five days before he died, he stopped drinking.\u00a0 Cold turkey.\u00a0 His body could not handle it.\u00a0 He checked himself into the hospital.\u00a0 Suddenly things went bad.\u00a0 That is what the doctor told me.\u00a0 His heart could not \u00a0take it and it stopped.\u00a0 They worked on Dale for a long time.\u00a0 Yet his heart would not work on its own.\u00a0 Dale never gave up, he kept trying.\u00a0 I always want to remember how hard Dale tried.\u00a0 How much he loved his family.\u00a0 How much he loved his friends.\u00a0 How much I loved him.\u00a0 He once talked about dying.\u00a0 I told him he could not die, I would be devastated.\u00a0 I was right.\u00a0 I am devastated.<\/p>\n
Since being asked that question about plans for something to mark one month, I have been giving it a lot of thought.\u00a0\u00a0 It is winter here where we live.\u00a0 The ground is already covered in snow.\u00a0 We won’t be able to put a grave marker on his grave until spring.\u00a0 I want to do something for the winter months, to mark his grave.\u00a0 I want to be able to see where he is, from the road.\u00a0 I think I will put one those bent rods that hold hanging flower baskets at the head of his grave.\u00a0 I have seen others at the cemetery so I know they are allowed there.\u00a0 I won’t be able to hang flower baskets with real flowers, but maybe I can place other items.\u00a0 At least his grave will be marked and I will be able to find it. That thought brings me some comfort.\u00a0 Now that I have thought of this, I don’t want to wait until the one month mark.\u00a0 I want to do it right away.<\/p>\n